Forgive me, Gods of Carpentry, for I have sinned I am sinning.

I am painting woodwork.

(Gasp!)

Well, make that painting over already painted woodwork. Perhaps only half a sin? Anyone tight with St. Joseph (Patron Saint of Carpenters), have a word with him and let me know. Anyway, what I’m doing is eradicating the Muppet Flesh paint pallet. It’s like an act of kindness to the visual senses.

Here is evidence of what we’re dealing with:

While I respect the fact that taste is subjective, and that someone thought this was a fantastic color combination, what I cannot respect is a sloppy paint job:

The finish of this paint was almost like sand paper – here I try to replicate the rough feel via this very grainy photo. Paint drips make it look like the crown is melting. I’m going to call this technique “The Dalí.”

Sometimes random drips appear in the middle of the wall, like a lonely tear of sadness over a shitty paint job.

There is no excuse for this. Nope. None.

Operation Muppet Flesh Eradication is in full swing. It’s really hard to let go and paint over the shitty paint job. There are some quick fixes that I can do along the way (such as cutting “The Dalí” off the crowns), but there a about a million bits of sloppiness that I can’t do anything about right now. When the time comes, we will strip it and return the wood to its intended look.

Painting over bumps, dirt and other painted in crap from years ago.

For now, it’s Pure White in semi-gloss for the trim, a softer white on the walls, and a fresh coat on the ceiling. Going for the tone-on-tone look, as far away as possible from what is there now.

Unrelated side note: there is an old wives’ tale that says if you bury a statue of St. Joseph by the entrance of your house, you’ll be able to sell it quickly. Years ago, when we were desperate to sell our old place, I did bury one. Low and behold, our palace sold (I’m neither Catholic nor religious, just desperate…). Turns out you’re supposed to dig St. Joe back up and keep him in a place of honor in your new home. OOPS. Kinda forgot about that, which leads me to believe St. Joseph might be pissed at me).

(Perhaps this is punishment for the above-mentioned transgression?)